Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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