On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
