She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
