So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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