awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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