It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
