new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
