We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
