Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
