in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
