No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
