when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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