if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
