she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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