quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
