Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
