Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
