Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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