So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
