It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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