Need sex. Gaining weight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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