You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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