he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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