I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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