I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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