oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
