I heard we made out
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
