I love black thongs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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