I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
