Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
