I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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