So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
