Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
