Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
