why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
