so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
