She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
