His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's always time for handjobs
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
