Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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