Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
