i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
