it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
