He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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