Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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