Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
