I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
