I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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