OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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