If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
