Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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