I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
