I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
