you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
