I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
