The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
